What’s Postpartum Rage (And Why No One Talks About It?)
You expected exhaustion. You expected some tears.
But what you didn’t expect was the sudden, explosive anger - the kind that shows up when your partner loads the dishwasher wrong or the baby won’t nap.
If you've ever lashed out, raised your voice, or felt an unfamiliar intensity you can't explain, you may be experiencing something many moms do - but few talk about: postpartum rage.
What Is Postpartum Rage?
Postpartum rage is a symptom of postpartum mental health struggles - most commonly postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. It’s not a clinical diagnosis, but it’s a very real, very common experience.
Unlike sadness or worry, postpartum rage often shows up as intense irritability or anger that feels hard to control. It can be loud and visible or quiet and under the surface.
What Postpartum Rage Can Look Like
Postpartum rage doesn’t always mean screaming. It might be subtle, internal, or masked as control or perfectionism. Here are some ways it often shows up:
Snapping at your partner or kids over small things
Feeling like you might explode if one more thing goes wrong
Rage-cleaning (It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me)
Stewing over something your partner said hours ago
Feeling overstimulated by noise or touch
Resenting everyone who gets a break except you
Feeling shame immediately after losing your temper
Thinking: “I need to escape.”
These are not signs of being a bad mom.
They’re signs of being a deeply overwhelmed one.
Why No One Talks About It
Mothers are often expected to be gentle, grateful, and endlessly patient. Rage doesn’t fit that picture. So instead of asking for help, many moms bury the feeling and bury the guilt that comes with it.
But anger is not the enemy. It’s a signal.
Postpartum rage is often a cue that:
Your needs are being ignored (either by you or someone else)
Your boundaries are being crossed
You’re trying to meet impossible expectations
You’re carrying too much with too little support
Naming it is the first step to healing it.
What Causes Postpartum Rage?
Rage is rarely about the dishwasher or the baby’s nap. It’s about accumulated stress that finally breaks the surface.
Here are some of the most common contributors:
Sleep deprivation: When your brain doesn’t rest, emotions become harder to manage
Hormonal shifts: Estrogen, progesterone, and cortisol drop significantly after birth
Mental load: The invisible labor of tracking everything all the time builds resentment
Relationship strain: Feeling unseen or unsupported adds fuel to anger
Perfectionism: Holding yourself to unrealistic standards creates constant pressure
History of anxiety or trauma: These increase the likelihood of rage as a coping response
You’re Not Broken—You’re Burned Out
But postpartum rage is not a personal failure.
It’s a nervous system in distress.
It’s a survival response, not a reflection of your worth as a parent.
How to Cope With Postpartum Rage
Here are some practical tools I share with moms in therapy:
Name it without shame
When you feel the anger rising, pause and say (even silently),
“This is rage. This is a signal.”
Naming the feeling gives you just enough space to respond instead of react.
2. Ask: What’s the unmet need or expectation?
Postpartum rage is often rooted in invisible needs.
Ask yourself:
“What did I expect in this moment that didn’t happen?”
“What need of mine is being ignored?”
Your rage may be pointing to a lack of rest, validation, help, or even quiet.
3. Track your triggers
Does it happen during bedtime? After skipped meals? When you're interrupted for the 20th time?
Patterns help you anticipate and plan small resets.
4. Build in micro-breaks
You don’t need a weekend getaway (okay, maybe you do). But you also need moments.
Two minutes of deep breathing
A solo shower with music (give someone else the monitor)
Sitting in silence in the car before going inside.
These resents matter.
5. Challenge perfectionism
Ask yourself: “What can I let go of today?”
Perfectionism adds pressure. And pressure builds rage.
6. Talk to someone who gets it
We are not meant to carry this alone.
You Are Not a Bad Mom
Postpartum rage doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means something inside you is asking to be seen and supported.
You deserve that support.
You are allowed to have needs.
You are allowed to feel your feelings.
Let’s Talk
I specialize in helping moms navigate the emotional intensity of postpartum life—including rage, anxiety, guilt, and burnout. You don’t have to wait until it gets worse.
For more on postpartum anxiety and depression, check out the Support for Moms page.
Click here to schedule a free consultation
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